Picking up the pieces
by SinnamonGirl
Summary: After Dee is captured and tortured by captors, Ryo has to try to pick up the pieces but what happens if the fragmentation goes deeper than anyone imagines?


Picking Up the Pieces

By: Cinnamon Girl

Disclaimer: Fake and all of its characters belong to Sanami Matoh - I'm just a fan.

This is my first Fake attempt, though I intend others in the future, and I have no Beta reader. If anyone would like the job - drop me a line at to book 7... Following an altered timeline of sorts, I suppose …

Summary: After Dee is captured and tortured by captors, Ryo has to try to pick up the pieces -- but what happens if the fragmentation goes deeper than anyone imagines?

Rating: M for sexual situations between two men

Warnings: mentions of rape, torture

Bikky looked up at his foster parent expectantly, laughing at him without making a sound. "You thought he was _tough_!?!" he asked incredulously, about to explode into gales of laughter. "Dee?!" He groaned and covered his face, clearly disgusted with Ryo's deductive abilities. "And they let you be a cop?" He kept laughing. "Dee? Tough? That's the best thing I've heard all day."

Ryo shifted slightly on his feet and drew a deep breath. He exhaled slowly, counting the seconds in an attempt to calm himself. To show weakness, to show _need_, in front of Bikky would be disastrous.

He spoke slowly, calmly, like a man outside the action. It was the same voice he used when interviewing particularly difficult witnesses. After so many interviews, it was almost easy to sound as if he didn't have a stake in the events. "Bikky, do you know what's going on with Dee?" _Please_, he thought, _it's important. _

It would be unfair to say that his dark-haired partner had never frightened him before. However, the memory of Dee's face - pale, pinched, bloodless, his grin a mere ghost, a mockery of itself - made clear bullets of sweat course down his ribs.

"What's it worth to you?" his adopted son asked, questioning smile cocky and untouchable. It was a perfect replica, Ryo thought, of Dee's.

"Bikky!"

The boy jumped a little as Ryo's volume increased, and he made as if to ward him off with his arms. "All right, awright. Facts now, negotiations later. But don't think I'm leaving the apartment every time he wants some alone time just 'cause he's been hurt! Got it?" He looked up defiantly, still street-tough on the outside, and muttered something about "pervs" under his breath.

"Absolutely," Ryo agreed, a little amused. "Now tell me."

Bikky shuffled his feet and tugged at a few overlong strands of his platinum hair. Ryo recognized the behavior. Bikky - Bikky, of all people - was just as worried about Dee as he was, he just didn't want Ryo to know it. "They way I figure it, someone messed Dee up - bad. Probably when he was in the orphanage. That stuff goes on, y'know." He shrugged. Facts of life. "Probably happened again when those guys got 'im. It's no secret that Dee's gay."

"Bi," Ryo corrected automatically. It made him feel safer for some reason. "Why would that matter?"

Bikky groaned again. "Dude, you're slow. People like the ones that got 'im - bad people - they don't tolerate stuff like that. They hurt people like that."

Realization came to him suddenly. From somewhere far away, he felt his muscles collapsing in on themselves, felt himself shuddering. _I- I didn't think that could happen… not to a man_, he thought at first, as denial set in. A moment later, he remembered the seminars he'd attended as an officer of the law. _It can happen to anyone. _"Rape?" he asked, dazed, with a voice that didn't even sound like his own. "Are we talking rape? Tell it straight, Bikky!"

Eyes full of pain despite his tough expression, Bikky nodded once.

Ryo leaned against the wall for support, knees buckling. They had done the same when Dee had kissed him after they'd taken in Carol to protect her. That moment seemed so far away as despair struck him. "Ooohh…" He tried to push upward, away from the blackness, the sickness, swallowing up his heart. "They didn't, at the hospital, they'd didn't say anything about… about…"

Bikky hugged him, something he never did without Ryo reaching for him first. "Dee's tough," he said, negating his earlier assessment of his least-favorite cop. Even though his face was buried in his shirt, Ryo could tell that he was choked up. "He'll get through it, you'll see."

"He was just scared, so scared, when I saw him," Ryo found himself admitting aloud. "I figured it was the drugs, maybe some shock." He shook his head, resisting the cotton that was fluffing up in his throat, preparing to transform itself into stone. "Thanks for telling me, Biks. I guess I better go see if he'll talk to me."

"I'd tell you to take your gun with you, but you should be safe," Bikky said, trying to tease but not quite pulling it off. Ryo hugged him again, then stepped out into the city.

Ryo deliberately set out for the office of Commissioner Berkley first. He had a feeling he'd need Mother's soothing presence afterward. He walked into the station with burning eyes and though no one said a word to him, he felt their stares on his back. He entered Rose's office without knocking. Calmly, he said, "I want Dee's file, Commissioner."

Reflexively, Rose went to hand him the file from those he was working through, responding to the his commanding tone. Then he realized who that tone belonged to. "Ryo! What the hell are you doing?"

Ryo extended a hand. "Give me the damn file."

"Ryo," Rose attempted a pacifying manner, "You're Dee's partner - not his spouse. It's illegal for you to see what's in his file."

The Chief stopped short of Rose's office door, hearing voices. He paused to listen.

"I don't fucking care," Ryo shot back, atypically vulgar. "I have to find out what happened to Dee, and you're going to give me the information, you pompous bastard."

Rose smiled, but the expression was cold, reptilian. "I could have you fired for that, officer." Then his tone changed, became less threatening and more suggestive. "But perhaps we could work something out, hmm?" He placed a hand on Ryo's shoulder to pull him close.

"Sexual harassment," Ryo hissed. "You fire me, I'll take you right down with me." His hand swept across the desk, scattering papers, files, and office supplies to the floor.

The Chief had heard enough. He entered the office saying, "Give him the file, Berkley."

"Sir?" The color had retreated from Berkley's face; he was clearly wondering how much the Chief had heard.

"Give it to him. I am still the Chief of this station - and I give orders, Berkley. I don't make negotiations. You should keep that in mind." He watched with satisfaction as Rose placed the file meekly in Ryo's hand.

"And Maclean?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Without someone to pull him through, I don't Laytner will ever work as a cop again. I hate to lose men, Maclean."

"I'll do my best, Sir."

The Chief nodded and left the office. Whatever he'd needed to talk to Berkley about could wait, otherwise he was likely to tell the man what he really thought about him - and surprise vacations or not, that wasn't much.

Sobered, Rose looked up at Ryo Maclean - a man he'd always desired, but one he had never been able to puzzle out. "It means that much to you, then? Dee's case?"

"_Dee_ means that much to me." Then he was gone.

The walk across town to the orphanage did a great deal to calm the incensed officer, but his temper was still high enough to make him wish someone would mess with him. The area wasn't as dangerous as the orphanage's original location, however, (which was best for the kids' anyway) and he navigated the streets and alleys without mishap.

The children greeted him with smiles, hands reaching up expectantly for the treats they knew he'd be carrying. Dee never came to the orphanage without some small gift to dispense - and Ryo was like a blond Dee to their eyes. Ryo did his best to keep up a smiling front before them - especially the younger ones - asking them about their daily activities, answering their questions. When they asked about Dee, his words caught in his throat, and suddenly Mother was there, taking a toddler from his arms, ushering the kids in for their midday nap.

Alone in the small office/ bedroom that made up the nun's only personal space, Ryo collapsed. Tears ran down his face despite all his efforts to dam them up, to build defenses against them. Angry at himself for weakness, he scrubbed a rough fist across his cheeks, trying to wipe away the salty liquid.

"It's all right," said Mother. "It's a bad thing to hold back tears when you want to cry."

That only made him weeper harder. The words echoed those of his aunt Elena on the day of his parents' funeral. Breathing raggedly, he tried to speak. "S-so weak… I'm always… it's D-Dee that's hurt, not me… I, I should have been there with him… he shouldn't have had to face them alone…"

"Tell me about it, Randy."

Slowly, almost painstakingly, Ryo detailed the incidents that had led to Dee's kidnapping. Before Ryo had even met him, Dee had been assigned a case involving a kiddie porn ring. The misuse of minors was bad enough, but it seemed that the ring had a dark tendency of murdering the children who got too old to sell, or who put up any kind of resistance. They had dumped bodies all over the city.

When a recent case of Drake's had tied in with the unsolved ring case, Ryo had encouraged Dee to partner up with Drake to solve it. It would give him some closure, even if they just brought a few of the ring-leaders to justice. They'd been far more successful than they'd planned, however, bringing in most of the perps, and freeing their latest batch of "merchandise." Unfortunately, the ring had ties to one of the biggest drug cartels in the city - and they didn't take the loss of profits kindly. Worse still, they'd seen Dee and Drake's faces on the news. They knew where to look for revenge.

Dee had been taken on his way home from work; a protective detail had been placed on Drake the next day. Then the ransom demands came. The amount demanded made it clear that Dee's captors intended to kill him - revenge, not payment, had been their objective all along. The search for Dee's whereabouts had intensified; Ryo had passed the days frantic and hopeless, sleeping, when he did sleep, on a couch in the station. He barely ate and he never saw Bikky, speaking to him only on the phone.

Then the call came. Dee had been delivered, barely alive, to a hospital. A city worker had found him in garbage bag, trussed up and naked, unconscious in his own blood. His captors remained at large.

"If-if they had just hurt him, just beat him up, it would have been bad enough," Ryo said, more to himself than Mother. They had sat at Dee's bedside together - she knew what wounds he bore as well as he did, what bruises, burns, and cuts decorated his body like a series of grisly tattoos.

"There was more to it, then?" Mother asked quietly. She was used to hospitals keeping her in the dark in regard to Dee. She wasn't officially his mother, after all, and though he kept promising to make her his medical power of attorney, he always forgot.

"Rape," Ryo said at last, eyes averted. "He was raped."

She nodded, making the sign of the cross. The devil never slept; New York City was a welcome home to him and his minions.

Ryo felt his voice going glass-fragile again, preparing to shatter into fine crystal. "I-I know it's none of my business, and maybe you don't even know, b-but has it ever happened before?"

The old nun sighed, resting her chin on one hand. "Once, when Dee was fourteen, he was taken out of my care. Up until that time, all of my children had been adopted, claimed, or placed by their thirteenth birthday, and the state stepped in, declared I didn't have the facilities for older children. They even tried to say that Dee could be a potential danger to the younger ones, though he was the biggest help I had."

"But you own the orphanage outright," Ryo said, "How could the State do anything?"

"I own the building and the land - I buy the food and the materials we need, but the state laws regarding orphans still apply. I still need state approval for adoptions. My hands were tied. So Dee was taken into a larger orphanage upstate for kids thirteen through eighteen. I imagine it was much like prison - he described it that way. He never told me himself, you see, but one of the medical workers contacted me when he went into a deep depression. She knew about our relationship and she said she'd seen evidence that Dee was being abused by some of the other children. I went to court and won the right to bring him home." She looked up at Ryo, tears glistening in her eyes. He felt like a cad for not having a handkerchief to offer. "I wish," she said after a moment, "That it had ended there."

"It happened again?" Ryo asked.

She choked off a sob. "Yes. And for that I take full responsibility, and I don't expect any forgiveness." She dried her eyes with her long, wide sleeves. "You see, the nurse who contacted me about Dee recommended that I send him to a psychologist. I should have known that Dee would heal on his own once he was home; he was always such a strong boy. But I listened, I sent him."

Ryo had a feeling that he knew where the story was going; his stomach churned. "The psychologist, too?"

"Yes. Dee just refused to go back one day, and I didn't push him. He was speaking again, taking care of the younger ones, running with friends. I assumed he was fine. Father Washington broke his vows, and my heart, when he told me what Dee had confessed to him, may God forgive us both."

"And now it's happened again," Ryo said quietly. _Oh, Dee… _"The Chief is afraid he won't come back to work. I haven't seen him since he got out of the hospital and he won't answer my calls."

The nun reached forward and grasped his hand. "I told you once that Dee needed you, Randy. I still believe that. The fact that you're here, working to help him, tells me that. I think you can bring him back to us. I think you can help him find peace."

He stood and kissed her leathery cheeks. "Thank you for all your help. I had to know before I went to him. Pray for us, Mother."

"I will. Now, go child. He needs you."

"Dee?"

The door to his partner's apartment was open, and a trail of things was strewn across the floor: empty grocery bags, a jacket, a lighter. A dark-haired form sat in the alcove created by a large, circular window, cigarette glowing in the pane like a lost orange star.

"Dee?" Ryo asked again. This time, his head turned toward him. He blinked slowly several times.

"Hey." His voice sounded funny, as if he were speaking across a distance. Ryo approached and noticed that his eyes weren't quite focused either.

Ryo didn't need to see the bottle of amber liquid at Dee's feet to ask his next question. "Dee, are you drunk?'

He rolled his shoulders in a sloppy shrug. "Maybe a little. What's up, Ryo?"

He dragged a chair over to the window to sit beside him, clearing beer bottles and trash off of the seat. "That's what I came to ask you. I know you're on leave for work, but you won't answer or return my calls. You never stop over. I haven't seen you since you got out of the hospital, Dee."

"Oh, you've got Bikky an' all…"

Ryo's eyes widened in alarm. That wasn't like Dee at all. "Bikky's been worried about you too." He decided to end the small talk and get to the point. "Dee, I've seen your file. I've talked to Mother. I know what happened. "

Dee's eyes cleared instantly, became wide and dark. "What happened, Ryo?"

"You were hurt by those people who kidnapped you, Dee. And it wasn't the first time." He could see Dee tense up, physically resisting his words, but he knew he had to keep on, he had to reach the man behind the defenses Dee was so hastily erecting. "Tell me about the first time, Dee. Was it in the orphanage?"

"Yeah, it was. What's it to you?"

He didn't recognize the man facing him at all. This Dee - strong, silent, and wounded - wasn't about to give him an inch. "Dee, I want to help you, but I have to know what went wrong, what hurt you so bad."

Dee stood and paced past him, long legs flashing. Even desperation-touched, Ryo thought, he was still beautiful to watch. He discarded the remains of one cigarette without even looking to see where it landed, and lit another with shaking hands. "Same thing every time," he said with the smoke in his mouth. "I put myself in a bad place and had to pay for it. It goes with the territory."

"The territory?" Ryo repeated, more to himself than Dee. Despite what Bikky thought of his deductive abilities, he was a good cop, and good at connecting evidence. He started to put two and two together, and then he began to strip.

Ryo knew what he doing and he told himself that he was ready for whatever way Dee would react, ready to give him anything he needed, but the panic in Dee's voice threw him just the same. "Ryo!? Ryo, what the hell are you doing!? Stop that!" Dee Laytner, saying stop it? Yes, something was definitely amiss.  
Ryo lost track of his protests for a moment as he lifted his shirt over his head. Then his hands were on his belt, and Dee looked as though he were going to burst into a thousand pieces from sheer exasperation. _No_, Ryo thought, _that's not it at all. He looks like he's going to cry_. He placed his hand on Dee's cheek and felt his partner fly backward as though dealt a stinging blow.

"Dee, it's okay," he said, voice as soothing as he could make it when he felt nothing but hurt at seeing his partner in such obvious pain. "I'm not going to hurt you, Dee. I'd never hurt you. I want you to see that I trust you, with all of me - with my life, Dee. Don't you trust me?"

Dee's long-fingered hands reached forward, groping as though he'd lost his power of sight, then they hastily retreated. "Ryo, no. Please don't do this. You don't want me. You never wanted me kissing you, touching you… you were just too nice to stop it and make it stay stopped." His breathing was ragged, his eyes dark; clearly Ryo, naked and standing in front of him, was affecting his concentration.

Ryo lowered his head. _I did this. I let him give himself to me, but I never gave anything back. I was always too afraid, afraid of what people might think, what people might say._ He felt like a fool. _And now he can't trust me._ "Dee," he tried, voice rent with tremors, "that's not how it is."

Dee would have none of it. "That _is_ how it is, Ryo. I'm not dumb. I can't do this. I won't." He turned his eyes from Ryo's body, willing it not to shine there in his mind, willing the blond detective not to be all he'd ever wanted. He stood with his back to his partner, but Ryo could see his trembling. "I won't make you like me, Ryo. You're too good and kind and gentle." He turned suddenly, violently.

"You were right, ok? Is that what you came to hear? That the world hates fags? You were right." Tears shone in the corners of his eyes and the flames in their center were acid green. "You were goddamn right. They'd hate you for it and I'd never forgive myself. Get dressed, Ryo."

More pieces of the puzzle were beginning to appear. And if standing naked in the middle of Dee's apartment, being screamed at, was what it took to solve it, Ryo was willing. "For being gay?" he asked clearly. "That's what it's been about, Dee? The people who hurt you - they did it because you were gay?"

Dee half-snarled. "Yes. Of _course_ for being gay." He didn't even bother to point out that he was bi; this time, the distinction didn't matter. "What did you think? That's what it's for - a punishment. A punishment for liking guys, for taking it in the ass, or giving it to other men." His eyes flashed. "Except this time, it wasn't 'guys,' Ryo. It was just you. It meant something." Shuddering took him and Ryo saw the tears on his cheeks. "But I won't let them do it to you, too, Ryo."

"Dee…" Ryo's heart was splintering in his chest, fragmenting. It was hard to breathe, but he knew he had to go on. "Dee, in the orphanage, it was about being gay?"

"Easy mark. If you'd do boys as well as girls you must not be tough."

"Then the therapist," Ryo said, hating himself for torturing Dee, but knowing Dee had to face up to his demons in order to be free of them. "You didn't stay with the program, Dee."

Dee gaped, then began to cough, choking on his own breath, drowning. "How in the hell could you know?" He came closer, searching Ryo's face, one hand raised as though to strike him. "You bastard, how the hell could you know?"

"It doesn't matter," Ryo said bravely. "Just tell me what happened, why you left."

Dee lowered his hand; his head drooped. "His idea of therapy was a little too hands-on for my taste, ok?"

Ryo drew him close, a hand wrapped around his shoulders. He knew that Dee could feel the warmth of his body through his clothes. He ran his hands through Dee's hair, holding him tight against him, offering comfort in its simplest form. "And now this," he said after a moment. He didn't need Dee to tell him. The hospital report had been in the file. "Dee, it won't be like that with me. I won't hurt you. I want to help you with this."

Dee drew away from him, agony etched in his face. "Damn it Ryo! You don't want me! I'm not some mercy case, y'know. I'm not Bikky or Carol!"

Ryo closed his eyes, pained, knowing he was reaping what he had sown. "I-I know that, Dee," he said. "That's not why I'm here. That's not what I'm offering." He felt the tears come to his eyes and he ignored them, facing his partner bravely. He was shaking, but not with weakness; he faced his partner stolidly, prepared to weather whatever blow was forthcoming. Seeing him, Dee couldn't help thinking of a candle in a windstorm, how bright it burned before all the light and life were snatched from it.

"I know I've put you off in the past, Dee. I know what I've done to you and I know how wrong it was." He dropped his eyes, suddenly ashamed by his conduct during the past two years. "I was afraid, Dee. Afraid of being an easy lay, of not meaning anything to you. I know what you thought - that I was ashamed of you and of my feelings for you. That's not true." He swallowed hard, about to admit something he'd never told anyone. "I've been raped, Dee. That made me afraid too. I was afraid you wouldn't understand how a man could allow that to happen. I was afraid you wouldn't want me if you knew."

Dee's face softened instantly. "So that's why all the hot and cold, huh?" he asked quietly. "You did want me, didn't you?" the words were almost a plea. "But you couldn't let me… be with you… because?"

"I couldn't stop seeing what happened before," Ryo finished for him.

Dee searched his face with his eyes. "Are you okay now?"

Ryo pushed him away. "Dee! This isn't about me! You can't go shifting gears like that just to get away from you." He allowed a little bit of teasing to enter his voice. "Thought you liked being the center of attention, huh?'

"Not like this." He reassumed his seat in the window and threw a blanket at Ryo, unwilling to go back over that ground again. "So how'd you get my file offa Rose, anyway? You're not stooping to theft these days, are you?"

"No. I just messed up his desk. The Chief made him give me the file. He's worried about you. They wouldn't tell me anything at the hospital - I was just your _partner_, you know?" His tone was bitter. "He liked it, you know, Rose. Keeping me hanging, using you to hurt me."

"He always was a bastard," Dee said.

"The next time he hits on me, you can tell him that I'm with you. You'll like that."

Dee shook his head. "That's over, Ryo. Put your clothes back on."

"Dee!" Ryo protested, not quite able to comprehend his partner's refusal.

"I told you, Ryo. I can't make you like me."

Disgusted with this warped line of reasoning, Ryo stood and advanced on his partner. Lifting Dee's chin, he shoved his tongue in his mouth and forced his head back. Dee was overwarm from drinking and the alcohol taste of him was stinging, faintly metallic. Ryo breathed deep, inhaling Dee's familiar scent: brown vanilla mixed with something industrial like gasoline, and the faint tinge of nicotine. Throughout the rough, searching kiss, Dee's hands were on his shoulders, unsure whether to pull him closer or push him back. Somewhere in the kiss the blanket fell open, and Dee could feel Ryo's need pressing against him, driving him closer and closer to insanity.

Winning his freedom, he shoved the blond, hard. "Damnit, Ryo! I tried to win you! I told you how I felt. I showed you! I even begged! And now you're doing this? _Now_, Ryo!?"

"It'll help, Dee."

Dee thrashed, obviously torn. "And what about tomorrow, Ryo? When I'm cured or helped or whatever - what then? Back to just partners? Just friends?"

Ryo was breathing hard, though with anger or arousal even he couldn't have said. "I thought I made that clear, Dee. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't committed to you."

Dee shook a finger at him. "But I know you. You would sacrifice the golden lamb of your body for my sins. Ryo, please!"

Ryo crossed the distance between them to trace Dee's face, his jaw. Dee's eyes closed, lashes fluttering, under his touch and his head fell back. Ryo leaned over and rested his chin on his shoulder, talked into his ear. "Dee, I know how you feel. I know that I've been a tease, heating you up and throwing cold water in your face. But I told you why, and I'm ready now. I'm ready to trust you, to be with you. Can't you do the same for me?"

"Scared, Ryo," he mumbled in a child's voice.

Ryo held him tighter. He knew what it cost Dee to admit that, and he drew his head down to rest on his shoulder; curled up as they were, he was nearly sitting in Dee's lap. "Let it out, Dee. I've been there. I know. There's no shame in it."

"It's not the pain, y'know?" Dee said at last, so quietly that Ryo had to strain to hear him. "The blood - it's not that. The dying, _that_, I was afraid of - of never seeing you again, or Mother. Never watching basketball, eating hot dogs with the brat or seeing Carol smiling at me like I mean something to her. It's not the pain - it's what they say to you when they have your face pressed into the floor and a gun to your head, a knife under your throat. When they're inside you. 'You deserve it, you fag. You asked for this.' You start to believe it, eventually."

"Oh, Dee." Ryo held him while the confession fell from his lips, comforted him with his warmth, his nearness, and his tender understanding.

Suddenly, his cell began to ring.

"It's the station," Dee said, recognizing the ring tone. "You'd better take it."

Ryo stood reluctantly and wrapped the blanket around himself. "Maclean."

It was the Chief, updating him on Dee's case. Drake, JJ, and Ted had brought in four men suspected of being Dee's captors. They needed him down at the station to ID them. Ending the call, Ryo began to dress. "Dee, they think they've got them, the men who hurt you. They want you down at the station to do a line-up. Can you do it?."

Dee nodded once, but Ryo couldn't help notice that his eyes were blank again - blank and empty.

The identification process went well, with Dee correctly singling out his captors. However, after promising to testify in the upcoming trial, Dee disappeared before Ryo could speak to him again. He wasn't at his apartment, or any of the bars they'd hung out at after work. Giving up, Ryo cursed his native city with every step he took toward home - New York made anonymity too easy to achieve.

Within a few days, Dee returned to work. Though he performed his duties well and without complaint, a curtain of steel had been raised in his eyes - and he lowered it for no one.

Looking at the stranger's eyes that now lived in his best friend's face, Ryo thought, _I thought justice would fill him up, but there's only emptiness in him, in his eyes. And I know he's still downing drinks to sleep. He's pulling away from me. I thought if I gave him everything, he'd take me in his arms… Dee, is that what you thought, too? Every time you handed me your heart? I'm so sorry partner. _

Leaving early to pick Bikky up from school, he said, "I'm coming over."

Dee looked up from the file he'd been staring at without reading. "What?"

"After work, I'm coming to see you. Don't try to run, either."

Dee made no reply but Ryo could feel his eyes following him out the door.

When he arrived at Dee's apartment, no one was around. Using the key Dee had given him years ago, he let himself in and surveyed the wreckage. Dee had made no attempt at cleaning the place up since he'd come home from the hospital. Ryo knew that his dark-haired partner was no neat freak - but he wasn't dirty, either. The apartment looked like the home of someone who had given up on life.

_Well_, he thought, rolling up his sleeves, _he's got to come back eventually. May as well make myself useful until then. _

Spreading garbage bags out, he began to gather the trash, the started on the refrigerator. Almost everything went into bulging trash bags. He even threw away some of the containers holding leftovers - he wasn't about to try to wash them. He gathered up the laundry next, stripping the bed and remaking it, snatching up all the pillowcases and throw blankets Dee had scattered around. He took the laundry downstairs and started on the dishes, then the bathroom, then the floors. When the laundry was finished, he went to the market to restock the refrigerator. Dee could pay him back later - he'd just be happy to see him eat a decent meal. He'd dropped at least ten pounds since the attack, both from sickness and stress. Smiling, he remembered when Dee had cleaned up his place when he'd fallen ill. His kiss had been so sweet.

Thinking of Dee's lips on his, Ryo collapsed onto the couch, eyes falling closed. Hours later, he woke to find himself in Dee's arms, being carried to bed.

"Hush," Dee said. "Go back to sleep."

Ryo struggled out of sleep. "No. Dee-I… lay down with me."

"All right," he agreed, voice soft with exhaustion and affection. "You looked so peaceful lying there, so young."

As Dee settled him into bed, Ryo leaned up and kissed him gently, experimentally, and saw Dee's eyes go distant even in the darkness. "Go to sleep, Ryo."

"No." He was wide awake now, and in a fighting temper, unwilling to see Dee lost to the distance he was imposing. Ryo slid his hand down the lines of his partner's chest - knowing the contours of his body even in the dark. The cold bite of metal told him that he'd found his partner's belt, and he undid it with deft fingers, even as Dee tried to loose his hands. "You need me, damnit," he told his partner, "And you're going to have me."

_Think force is the best thing to use with him?_ his mind asked, but he ignored it, lowering his head to take Dee into his mouth down to the root. Dee's gasp was loud in the empty quiet of the apartment. His eyes were huge, the lashes fluttering helplessly.

Ryo moved upward along the hard shaft, licking and kneading him with surprising skill. He'd always been so afraid to touch Dee, afraid of revealing his lack of experience, but it didn't seem to matter at all. All that mattered was Dee - his need, his moaning voice, his panting, desperate breath.

Pumping Dee's cock until he saw the glistening of pre-cum on the head, Ryo kissed his lips, his chest, his neck. "Your body wants me, Dee," he whispered. "Your heart, too."

Dee fell back against the bed, too weak to fight him, still protesting. "Ryo, please. I said I'd give you up. I've prayed. I've _tried_."

Ryo stopped instantly, still as stone. "You prayed to give me up?"

Dee looked up at him, struck by the emotion in his voice. "Ryo, please, it's not like that… I prayed to give you up because I wanted to keep you safe from what I am. You aren't gay, Ryo. You aren't even bi. How many times did you tell me that?"

"You don't want me now?" Ryo whispered, afraid if he spoke any louder he'd choke on the words.

"Of course I want you," he gestured to his cock, still hard in Ryo's frozen hand. "But it can't be like this between us. What if they find out? What if they do the same thing to you? What if they kidnap you? I can't handle that, Ryo."

Ryo stared, wide-eyed at his partner. "Dee, you're taking this way out of proportion! Making love to you will not endanger me! It's what I want, Dee."

His mouth a grim line, Dee flipped down the waistband of his boxers. "Look, Ryo. Look and tell me they can't do the same thing to you."

Ryo recoiled. "Dee… they didn't say… even the report didn't say…" _Did I miss it? Not read it? _The formerly smooth tops of Dee's thighs were now a patchwork of scar tissue, a cruel briar patch of knife wounds and healed over cigarette burns. Steeling himself, willing away the sickness that clutched at his stomach, Ryo bent his head and kissed the scars.

"Can you feel that?" he asked.

"Yes," Dee admitted, voice more air than words.

Ryo ignored him and kissed him again, licking the raised, tortured flesh, coming closer and closer to Dee's quivering erection. "Can you feel me, baby?" he asked again.

"Yes, yes," Dee said, gasping, losing his war with himself.

"You want me, don't you?" Ryo asked, encircling Dee with his hand. "You want to feel me?"

"P-please…" Dee began, but he wasn't sure whether he was begging for Ryo to take him, or begging for him to stop.

The terrified, inhibited part of Ryo was squawking inside of his brain, but another part of his was excited, almost heady, with the thrill of swallowing Dee deep into his mouth, pleasuring him. He was so caught up in the task that he had Dee nearly at the brink before he pulled back again, hearing his partner calling him.

"Ryo," Dee spoke his name in an awed tone, amazed. "Ryo, what about you?"

The honey-blond blinked several times in succession, eyes dark and impassioned. "Huh?"

"You," Dee said, coming down a bit now that Ryo's mouth wasn't enclosing him in a sweet, warm circle. "You're not even undressed."

Ryo shook his head at him. "This isn't about me."

Dee shook his head right back. "Ryo, if you're doing this for charity, I'll throw you out right now. If not, then it should be about us. About you and me, making each other feel good, and safe, and loved." He grasped Ryo's hand in a grip that almost hurt. "I do love you Ryo."

Ryo beamed back at him. "I love you, Dee Laytner. And I promise you, no one will ever hurt you again."

Dee's lips met his then, and both of them felt a sweeping sense of completion, of home. Ryo gratefully let Dee guide him out of his clothing, his erection springing hard and ready into Dee's hand. He gasped as Dee clutched him, then lay over him, pressing their erections together.

Ryo gripped his partner's shoulders, shaking with need. "Dee, I can't go in you tonight. I don't know how, for one, and you're probably still not healed all the way."

Dee kissed his forehead reassuringly. "None of that matters tonight. Just be with me, Ryo. You can still make me feel good, and I'll do the same for you. The rest isn't important."

With that, Dee went about making good on his word, creating a delicious friction between them that stole Ryo's breath with every other thrust. Usually quiet and reserved, he surprised himself by grappling at Dee's back, crying for him, begging him to come.

Sweat dripped from Dee's bangs as he kissed Ryo's neck, biting a little to feel his partner shiver. "Tell me again, Ryo. Tell me you want me to come for you. Tell me you love me."

Ryo obliged, thrusting up against him with desperate, frenzied motions, kissing him between words, and he sent Dee spinning into an orgasm that overtook his senses in a wave of color and light. Dee barely noticed Ryo coming beneath him, moaning his name as he exhausted the last of his strength. He panted, loud, harsh breaths, and held Dee tight against him.

"L-love you," he said at last, weakly.

Dee chuckled fondly. "Thanks for bringing me back, baby. Thanks for everything."

Ryo disentangled himself slowly. "We're a mess!" he declared with a laugh.

Dee laughed back. "You go get showered - I'll clean up out here." Ryo started to protest, but Dee waved him off. "You cleaned the rest of the house - go on." Ryo acquiesced and headed toward the bathroom carrying his pants. Once inside with the water running, beginning to heat up, he took his cell out of his pocket.

"Chief," he said to his boss's voice mail, "I'll be bringing Dee back - officially, tomorrow. You haven't lost him, Sir. Not at all."

The next morning, Chief Smith would hear the smile in Ryo's voice and smile privately in his office, happy to see the team reunited.


End file.
